Real Talk: 30 Ways To Reduce Anxiety And My Struggle
Anxiety is something that a good majority of our world struggles with, especially in this challenging season and is something that has affected my own life. So, let’s talk about it. Let’s normalize the idea that it is something that nearly everyone experiences in a variety of ways and it is nothing to be ashamed of. Completely debilitating for some and flaring up only on certain occasions for others. The first feelings of butterflies can conjure up a whole slew of emotions that are attached when anxiety is something that you struggle with. If you feel this, I hear you friend. I’ll share my story but if you’d rather just hop to the tools I’ve found useful, feel free to scroll down.
The past two years alone has brought about more change in my life than ever before, and along with it, a side of major anxiety. After welcoming our baby girl in November of 2019, I struggled with my health, very seriously. The challenge of one health crises after another after a very terrifying birth experience (and major blood loss) a c-section recovery, postpartum hormones, sleepless nights with a newborn and the juggle of being a mom to two older children left me reeling. My body just wasn’t recovering. I couldn’t get healthy and I couldn’t stay healthy. Every germ knocked me off my feet. I was in bed, unable to function for the majority of three months straight. My hubby bore the brunt of the load and I had to call in reinforcements in the form of my parents and in-laws to help with mere survival when he was at work. I couldn’t cook, I couldn’t play with my kids, I didn’t have the strength to change diapers. It was devastating. I spent days on end feeling like a complete failure. I knew I was disappointing my kids by not being there for them. I knew my incredibly supportive hubby was growing weary from being the only source of support. My mind became swallowed in thoughts of “Will I ever recover? Am I dying? What if life is like this forever? How will I ever work again? How will we afford life?” Anxiety set in and it set in hard.
If you know me, I’m a planner and this was all totally out of my control. I needed help and I knew it was time to get it. One day in conversation about this with my hubby, he gently reminded me of the daily gratitude practice I used to live by and suggested picking it up again. I knew this was an easy step and one I could manage, even in bed. But, I also knew I needed more than that if I was going to fully recover. When I’m determined, I pour my whole heart in to a project and this was a project of a lifetime. I needed healing and I needed to help reduce the overwhelming anxiety I was feeling daily. So, I found a new doctor who helped me sort out my gut health (it had been ruined after 4 courses of antibiotics in 6 weeks) and get my whole health back on track. She’s a naturopath and primary care, basically the best of both worlds and I could sing praises about her for years on end. She’s nothing short of a miracle worker and without her, I don’t know where I’d be. She helped me actually understand my body for the first time in my life and helped me find ways to rejuvenate it. Alongside visits with her, I reached out to as many sources as I could, determined to return to my old self. I found a nutritionist, tried acupuncture, went back to my chiropractor and started massage. I got back to my gratitude practice, daily devotionals, lots of prayer and a daily meditation. And when my body was ready, I began moving it daily through yoga. I also recognized that I was not in a place that I could meet the constant demands of the client-centered work that is wedding planning. I made the very difficult decision to close the doors to my business that I built and poured my heart into over the past decade to find something less demanding. Each decision like a small stepping stone to rebuilding me.
When we were four months postpartum, I was finally beginning to see a hint of the light of my old self and feeling a renewed sense of joy. Anxiety was not gone and I was not fully healed, but I was on the road of progress. That fourth month was March 2020. We all know what happens after that. One year ago, all of our worlds changed. Just as I was rounding the bend of healing, devastation ensued again. New feelings of anxiety reared their ugly heads this time. I was worried about getting sick after being ill for so long and how my body would handle it. I was worried about my parents health, my in-laws and my Mema. I was worried about our girls at school - which quickly turned into worrying about how I would ever possibly homeschool them alongside caring for our baby, managing our household and staying sane. I shared many of the same worries the rest of the world did and it felt so incredibly overwhelming.
As the normalcy of living through a pandemic somewhat settled in (as best as it can), we took a crazy leap of faith last July and sold our house. The timing was insane, but the news of a large apartment complex being built just behind our house stirred our hearts enough to recognize that our neighborhood would never be the same and the time to move was now. Building a home on land has been our lifelong dream for our family and we felt like this was God calling us to take this step. So we took a leap of faith, moving into a temporary home for the foreseeable future, in a different town to wait on a piece of land that we felt in our hearts was meant to be. Turns out that wasn’t the piece of land for us but we remained faithful that God’s plan is always perfect. A month or so later, my dad stumbled across a new spot in a better location and with so much more to offer. So, now we wait (which seems endless) on the city’s subdivision process and are doing our best to remain patient and hopeful as we envision our future dreams about life there.
Needless to say, if I was supposed to learn anything these past two years, it is that we are not in control. Not a damn bit. However, we are in control of how we respond and how we manage our stress in situations, but the situations themselves, not so much. I have spent a lot of time diving head first into finding ways to get my anxiety under control and to fully heal. The creation of Haven Illume is a way to ensure I continue pursuing the things that keep me whole and a way to share them with anyone else who may need them too.
So, with that said, here are 30 tools (in no particular order) that I have found to be useful in coping with stress and anxiety and I hope you find them useful too. And just know, if you too struggle with the crippling feelings of anxiety, you are not alone friend. There are so many of us here with you.
Create a morning routine
Having a steadfast morning routine gives you a way to ground yourself as you start your day. I’ve found it to be the most helpful tool in controlling my anxiety. Feel free to hop back to my previous blog post about this to build a routine for yourself!
Color like a kid
Coloring is a creative outlet that is meditative and calming. I’ve found some great coloring books for adults on Amazon like this one.
Move your body daily
We all know exercise is essential to a healthy body, but the benefits it has on anxiety are so great. I read a quote that said “Anxiety is repressed excitement” and it really struck me. As a kid, what do we do when we are excited? We jump up and down, we run in circle screaming with excitement…we move our bodies. So, as adults, let’s try those same methods! Whether it is a run outside in the fresh air, an at-home workout program, a hike or a walk pushing a stroller, just move that body and it will make a huge difference!
Yoga
A daily yoga practice offers the rewards of moving your body alongside the grounding and calming energies that come with meditation and breath connection. You do not have to be a pro and you do not have to do a rigorous practice to enjoy the benefits that yoga brings. Even five minutes a day can be life changing. I had such a great time yesterday in my good friend Brittany’s class, she is a local instructor in Bellingham, WA and owns Wildish Ways. She specializes in wellness coaching for mothers and she’s amazing. I can’t speak highly enough of her! For regular online/at-home practices, I also enjoy Sarah Beth Yoga and Yoga With Adriene.
Commit to a self-care day of the week
#selfcaresunday is a thing for a good reason! Commit to a day to do something that feels good to you. Maybe it is a DIY face mask, a fresh manicure or a hair oil treatment. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but just something that nourishes you on a regular basis.
Aromatherapy
Fragrance has a huge impact on our senses. Indulge yourself in something calming or renewing, depending on your mood. Through candles, oil diffusers or an aromatherapy shower, envelop yourself in a mood changing scent. Some great ones are lavender, rose, vetiver, bergamot, chamomile, neroli, orange blossom, frankincense, geranium, ylang ylang or bergamot. I buy a weekly candle at Target and burn it daily and it is a favorite practice. Not only is the fragrance amazing but the soft light of the flame is calming as well. Their selection is fabulous and so reasonably priced. On my must try list is also JR Watkin’s line of in-shower aromatherapy mists.
Take a bubble bath
Relax your muscles and renew your spirit in a good old fashioned bubble bath. Some favorites include: Herbivore Botanicals Coconut Milk Bath Soak, Honest Company Bubble Bath in Sweet Orange Vanilla, Philosophy Fresh Cream Shampoo, Shower Gel and Bubble Bath.
Get enough sleep
A no brainer, but something that most of us struggle to achieve! Shut off your electronics at least 30 minutes prior, place them in another room and close those eyes for at least 8 hours.
Read some good news
The news and social media are both anxiety causing, depression instilling beasts. Take a pause for a moment and tune into some outlets that remind you that there is still some good in the world! I love John Krasinski’s SomeGoodNews channel on Youtube. Also check out the Good News Network.
Laugh!
Laughter lightens the soul! Find sources where you can go for a guaranteed laugh. Two of my faves are Betches and Momsplaining. Kristen Bell is just the best and brings hilarity to motherhood while the team at Betches knows how to make snarky and funny work perfectly in tandem.
Make your bed
As soon as you get out of it! It will start your day off on the right foot and you will feel like you’ve already conquered so much. Try it, you won’t be sorry!
Breathing technique
Have you heard of the 4-7-8 breath technique? I’ve tried this one many times and really found it beneficial. Developed by Andrew Weil, MD and shown to relieve stress, calm anxiety and help you drift off to sleep, it is worth trying. In short, with your mouth closed and tongue gently pressed to the roof of your mouth, breathe in slowly and deeply for a count of four. Hold your breath for a count of 7. Finally, with your mouth still closed and tongue still at the roof your mouth, exhale audibly and slowly for a count of 8. Repeat the cycle four times. Women’s Health has a great guide to it here.
Create a mood changing playlist
Use music to change your mood from anxious to calm or down-and-out to recharged. Hop over to Spotify, iTunes or wherever you listen and create some go-to lists to have on hand that you know can be mood busters!
Meditate
Sit in the calm. Practice daily meditation to ground, calm and help you focus. There are many apps that are great to help with this, or simply turn on one of the above playlists, light that candle you got and be still. Even taking 5 minutes out of your day to meditate is a huge benefit.
Add some greenery to your home
There is something special about those little plant friends who help convert the air we breathe and give a verdant punch to a lonely corner. Treat yourself to a new plant for the house, a floral arrangement or something foraged from the yard to brighten your spirits. Trader Joes is one of my favorite spots for inexpensive house plants and flowers!
Dance
It might feel silly, but turn on some music and throw yourself a dance party. You’ll be surprised how you feel in the end!
Journal
Writing down your thoughts and emotions can help you track when you are feeling anxious and what brings those feelings about. This allows you to learn when to put these practices we are talking about to use. Sometimes simply putting to pen to paper to identity what you are feeling can be healing in itself. Spending time journaling and getting the thoughts out of your mind and on to paper is therapeutic and something that I encourage you to try.
Chew gum or keep busy with sensory toys
With the idea that anxiety is repressed excitement, chewing gum or squeezing a stress ball are all ways to get small bits of energy out that may be pent up excitement. Give it a try! Heck, maybe a bubble blowing contest with your spouse or the kids is just what you need!
Limit your caffeine and alcohol
Pandemic living, especially in motherhood, makes both of these easy coping mechanisms, but take a minute to review how much you are consuming.
Take a nap
Sleep when the baby sleeps. Yea right. I have three kids, there is rarely a time when they are all asleep. This is something that I’m not very good at doing but is a healthy practice and when I do squeeze it in, even a quick 15 minute power nap can be a game changer.
Practice daily gratitude
Something I absolutely swear by. Waking up daily and writing down my gratitude is something I never skip and it has changed my entire mindset. Even on the crappiest of days, I can recognize the good in a challenge when I am intentional about it. Please try this one if you don’t do any of the others.
Find a hobby
Creative outlets are so much more than just something to fill your time. Creating, in whatever way, shape or form you enjoy, expands your mind and calms your heart. So try a few different things and find something you love! If I Made has a ton of virtual classes to try, both free and paid, so take a look if you need some inspiration!
Pray
If faith is something that grounds you like myself, pray your heart out. Open prayer is one of God’s deepest desires for us and something that I find practicing regularly is of utmost importance.
Learn to say no
If it isn’t a hell yes, it is a hell no. As a serial over-committer, I’m trying to live by this mantra. It is too easy to say yes and become overwhelmed by a multitude of commitments. Say yes to only those that really add to your life and no to anything that doesn’t.
Work on time-management
Whether this is in the form of making to-do lists, time blocking or assigning a schedule to your day, be proactive about managing your time. The overwhelm of so many things and so little time is an easy one that I feel often and creating structure is imperative.
Limit time on social media
Though the connection of social media is enjoyed by many, the negativity that is so prevalent on all of the platforms is really overwhelming. Cut it down to a certain timeframe each day that you allow yourself to scroll or spend a few days away from it completely. You’ll be amazed at how refreshing it can be.
Carve out time with a friend
Challenging right now, but get creative. Regular zoom dates with a friend, walks outside in the fresh air or as we begin to open back up, safe in-person together time. Carve it out. Human connection is necessary for survival and we all need it now more than ever.
Take a look at your gut health
Gut health and anxiety/stress/depression have an incredible connection. Take a look at what you are putting in your body and adjust your diet to be nourishing. Eat foods that you know fuel your body and eliminate anything that you recognize as a trigger. After our youngest was born, I recognized that celiac was now a new challenge in my life and have learned how to cook in ways I never had. Though not something I was excited about (a good crusty bread with a load of butter is my favorite!) it has challenged me to learn to do things in new ways while recognizing it is possible to still enjoy the things I love.
Finish the dishes before you go to bed
Though sometimes doing dishes after dinner is the last thing you may want to do, just do it! Waking up and wandering into a clean kitchen starts the day off calmly rather than being faced with a sink full of to-dos!
Talk to a professional
Above all else, if trying to cope on your own isn’t working, talk to a professional. There is no shame in battling anxiety and you deserve to live a full life. Set aside any pride that may be getting in the way, recognize that you are one of MANY who struggle with this, and get going on a plan to claim your life back. You are worth it!
